Half Note Whole Love
by jess2002
Summary: Edward is a jaded loner who doesn't want a friend. Then there is overly happy Bella who drives him insane with her perkiness. He wants to know why, but he doesn't want to come out and ask, fearing she will think they are friends. The two of them are partnered up in gym class where Bella gets unexplained special treatment. Tragedy strikes and Edward can't ignore her anymore.
1. Chapter 1

Yes this is a new story! WARNING! This story is going to angsty with an HEA. The really sad parts start at chapter 6. I will note so if you don't want to read it I will put a little note at the bottom of what happened. Also there is pot smoking and swearing.

I have to thanks to my girls for the the help they give me. I would never get anything new out if it wasn't for them!

I own nothin but the plot!

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Bpov

I woke up with the biggest smile today, knowing that I had gotten to wake up. The dreams I'd had last night were so odd, and I had a feeling something was going to change my world. I felt excitement, but uneasiness at the same time. Today was the first day of my senior year, and I couldn't wait to get it started.

Alice and I had been talking about everything we were going to do this year. We wanted to make this our best year. This year, I wanted to go out on a date. That would make my whole year. Alice laughed at me, when I told her my boy goals, but I knew out of all the people I knew, she'd understand the most.

My mother had always been overprotective, but this year, she had promised to let me live a bit more than I had in the last couple of years. Over the summer, we had gone shopping, and I had gotten a whole new wardrobe. This year was about the new improved me. My father had always had my back, and that was what I loved about him. He always listened to me and what I wanted. I really had the best parents in the whole world.

I was standing in front of my closet, when Alice came bouncing in and flopped down on my bed.

"Why are you here so early?" I asked with a laugh.

"I'm excited. I didn't sleep much last night."

"I see," I said with another laugh. "I feel like I have nothing to wear. How horrible is that?" I asked, as we laughed some more. I picked out a pair of jeans, and I honestly loved the fit of them. "I have a really nice ass."

"That you do, Sister," Alice said slapping me on said ass. "I'm pretty sure that's why your mom said they didn't fit right."

"Ha, you're so right on that one. What shirt should I wear?" I asked her, as I stood with my hands on my hips. I had two of them pulled out, but I couldn't choose.

"I like the blue one," she said. I put it on, but then took it right off when I felt cool air on my stomach. "What are you doing?"

"Putting on an undershirt."

"Why?"

"Cause my skin shows."

"Only when you lift your arms, wear it, you look great," she told me, as I held the shirt. I sighed and put it back on, before standing in front of the mirror.

"No one will think I'm a slut, will they?" I asked.

"No more than I am," she said, and I laughed.

She was in no way a slut, but it was our little inside joke. She and Jasper Cullen had been together since he had moved here five years ago, and I was pretty sure they would one day get married.

When I was done getting ready, I headed downstairs to find a note from my parents.

"_Bella, have a great, fun and safe day. Call either of us if you need anything. Love you lots,"_ I read to Alice, and she smiled. Both of my parents worked, so I didn't get to see them until after school.

"Oh, twenty bucks!" I laughed waving it in the air. "Are you getting a job?"

"I don't know. It'll really take away from my Jasper time if I do," she said, and I nodded. "You?"

"I really just want to enjoy this year."

"Well, let's go make this the best damn year ever!"

As soon as we were through the doors of the school, I smiled, knowing this was the last first day of school ever. We headed for our homerooms and stopped when we saw Jasper and Emmett. Alice was acting like she hadn't seen him all summer.

"What happened?" I asked, as I touched Emmett's cheek.

"New brother," he told me, pulling my hand away, "Guy's a freak."

"Em, he warned you six times to shut up, but you kept pushing," Jasper said.

"He's okay, just fucked in the head, and we've both been there."

"Is he in school? Is he older or younger?" I asked.

"Stay away from him, Bella," Emmett warned looking down at me. "He's our age and more messed up than anyone I know."

"I'm not going to be rude to him," I defended.

"Yeah, well, he'll be rude to you," Em said shaking his head.

"Should we include him?" Alice asked.

"I already did," Jasper said with his arm around Alice. "We'll just have to wait and see if he sits with us at lunch."

I jumped when the bell rang. It scared me all the time. I laughed at myself, as I walked to my homeroom. When I walked through the door, I saw the hottest, strangest- looking boy ever. I stared at him, as I walked to the empty seat next to him. His hair was spiky, and he had black eyeliner under his eyes, with a scowl on his face. He had this perfect jaw with stubble that looks a few days old. His leather coat looked vintage, and his jeans and t-shirt were black. There was something so dark about him, and it wasn't just his clothes. He looked so sad.

"Hey, I'm Bella," I said with a smile. He turned his head just enough to look at me, and I saw he had, hands down, the greenest eyes I had ever seen.

"Awesome," he said in a bored tone and went back to writing in a notebook.

"Um…you're the newest addition to the Cullen's, right?"

"I don't want any friends, so just knock it off," he said rudely, and I bit my lip.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," Mike Newton said sitting on my desk. "You're looking well."

"Thanks, Mike," I said. Mike was not my favorite person. He used to be really mean to me, but last year he had asked me out. Honestly, he gave me the creeps.

"Let's go to the movies this weekend," he said.

"No thanks."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to go with you," I said, and he laughed. He thought all the girls in this school wanted him.

"You're never gonna get laid," he whispered pushing my desk. I took a deep breath when he walked away. I chanced a glance at the new guy, and he was glaring at Mike.

"What's your name?" I asked him. He stared at me before rolling his eyes. "I'm friends with Emmett and Jasper. Jas said he invited you to sit with us at lunch."

"Do you know where I can get some weed?" he asked me.

"What's your name?" I asked him again. Everyone knew where to get weed.

"Do you know?" he asked. I nodded. "Edward."

"It's nice to meet you, Edward. To answer your question, you know the person you need," I said, as I turned away from him. I heard him chuckle, and I looked out of the corner of my eye to see him staring at me. "Having a friend won't kill you."

"You smoke?" he asked me.

"I don't," I said turning back toward him.

"Do I scare you?"

"Mike scares me more than you," I told him, and he laughed.

"I'm not going to be your friend," he said turning away from me. I thought he looked tougher than he actually was.

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See you all next week! Thanks you also to Deebelle1 for the banner which you can find on my jess2002 fb group page


	2. Chapter 2

My day was going too fast, and I headed to the lunchroom. Just when I walked through the door, stupid Mike came up and smacked me on the ass, before he put his arm around my neck.

"Go to the movies with me," he said, as I shrugged him off.

"No," I refused, and I headed over to the table full of my friends.

"Want me to kick his ass?" Emmett asked, when I sat next to him.

"Nope," I smiled opening my soda. "How's Rose?"

"She's good, all settled in the dorms," Em said. I looked at the end of the table and saw Edward writing in his notebook.

"Hey, Edward," I said. He looked up long enough to roll his eyes. "Where's Alice?"

"Probably high and balls deep," Emmett said. Edward looked up, and I gave him a wink and a smiled, before he looked away. "You coming over this weekend?"

"Sure," I said, as I looked back at Edward.

"Bella," Alice sang, when she came to the table, "I heard you had a boyfriend."

"Well, this is news to me," I said with a laugh.

"Bella Swan, go to the movies with me!" Mike yelled standing on a chair two tables away.

"Get a life, Newton!" Emmett yelled. "What's up with him?"

"It's the jeans," Alice giggled, and I hid my face.

"I'm going back to my baggy clothes," I said shaking my head.

"I like the new you," Jasper said, as he stuffed food into his mouth. I ate my peanut butter and fluff sandwich, glancing at Edward. He was scowling over at Mike, and I felt like I had to know him.

"Anyone have gym next?" I asked. Everyone but Edward said no, and I had a feeling we were finally going to have a class together.

"What are you going to do in gym? You can't play," Emmett said.

"We have stuff worked out," I told him when he nodded.

"Like what?" Alice asked with concern written all over her face.

"Weight lifting," I told her, and she smiled.

"That's great," she said with tears in her eyes.

"I'll see if I can change my schedule, and I'll help you," Emmett said.

When lunch was over, I headed to the locker room and changed. I was excited to be a part of gym class again. I headed out to the gym with a bounce in my step. I felt like a kid again.

"Hey, Coach!" I said, when I stepped next to Coach Clapp. She smiled at me and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well, Swan, you ready for this?" she asked. When I nodded, she laughed at my excitement. "You need a spotter."

"I'm not working with Mike. I'd rather fail," I told her, and she laughed harder.

She called class to attention, and Mike stood next me, trying to put his arm around me. I shrugged him off, and Coach said if he touched me again, he couldn't start the game on Friday. He said I'd give into him one day.

"Who's Edward Masen?" she asked, and I looked around.

"That's me," he said stepping forward. Coach looked him up and down, before looking at me. I gave a slight nod, and she looked back at him.

"What's your favorite sport?" she asked him.

"Don't have one," he said in a bored tone.

"Perfect, you'll work with Swan," she said, and he scowled.

"Football!" he shouted loudly.

"Too late," Coach said. "Come with me." Edward and I followed her to the weight room. "I read that you know a thing or two about weight lifting."

"Yeah, but I'm not helping her," he said. I rolled my eyes.

"You are, or you fail. Start off light, five to ten pounds max," she said, before she walked out.

"Well, this is bullshit," he griped when I looked at him. He had pasty ass legs, and he was hairy.

"Just think of this as an easy A," I told him, and I started to lift the barbell.

"What's so special about you?" he asked.

"Do you care?"

"Not really," he said, while I did a rep of ten. "Are you a fucking idiot?"

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"At least do it right," he said, and I glared at him. He showed me how to hold my arm right, and I really could feel a difference. He smelled good, too. When he put my elbow on my knee, I could smell him. He smoked, but he still smelled good.

"Thanks, I feel more tension…"

"That's the point," he said with an eye roll. He lifted weights with me, and he told me when to switch arms. "You're going to be sore…just suck it up." He left the weight room right when the bell rang. He was so intense. I knew he must have had one hell of a story.

~~HNWL~~

The week was gone in the blink of an eye. Edward was not the easiest person to be nice to, but I tried every day. He had told me to fuck off more times than I could count, but that was only when he started to laugh. I had found he didn't like to laugh, and he had an amazing crooked smile. I wanted so badly to get to know him, but he didn't let anyone close to him.

I wanted to read what he was always writing in his notebook, but he kept it on him or in his locker. Yesterday, I felt like I was a stalker, when I followed him and tried to look over his shoulder. It was stupid, because even on my tiptoes, I didn't even come up to the top of his shoulders.

When I got home from school on Friday, I was sore from lifting. My mom knew something was off with me, but I knew I was going to be okay. My parents had agreed to allow me to lift, and the soreness came with the territory. I packed a bag and headed downstairs. I gave my parents hugs and kisses, before I headed over to Alice's. My parents knew I hung out with her, but I didn't mention going to the Cullen's, because I knew they would freak out. They were letting me have more freedom, but hanging out with boys…I knew they wouldn't like it. Rose was even coming in for the weekend, and I hadn't seen her in weeks. I was very excited to spend time with my friends.

When I pulled up to Alice's, she was out the door quickly. I parked the truck and got out with a smile on my face. I grabbed my bag, and we walked down the block to the Cullen's. Alice talked the whole way, but I was pretty sure she was high. She honestly made me laugh.

"I'm glad you're hanging out with us," she said, as she held my hand.

"Me, too," I told her. I was hoping to see Edward, but I didn't tell Alice that, because I knew she'd make it into a big deal.

We knocked on the door, but no one answered. We rang the doorbell over and over, while Alice giggled. We could hear music, so we knew they had it up pretty loud, and Alice was pissed when the door was locked. She said she was going to go around to the back of the house and knock on Jasper's bedroom window to see if he was sleeping, because that was the only excuse for him not to answer his phone. Like I said, she made me laugh. I giggled to myself, as I rang the doorbell a couple more times.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I heard when the door flew open. "Are you insane?"

"No one was answering," I said with my mouth hanging open. Edward was in front of me with just a towel on. His muscles were ripped and so defined. His face was cleaned of makeup, and his hair wasn't spikey.

"This is bullshit," he snapped and turned around, heading for the stairs.

"Wait!" I said quickly and ran after him. Of course, he wasn't going to stop, so I followed him. When we made it to the top floor, I heard Alice yell at Jasper. "So," I said once we were in his room.

"What the fuck do you want?" he yelled making me jump.

"Why are you yelling?"

"Because you pissed me off. How many times do I have to tell you I don't want to be your fucking friend!? I help you in gym for the easy A. I don't care about your fucking past, and I don't care why you hang out with 'nobodies' like them," he said pointing down. "Get the fuck out, and leave me alone!"

"That's fine, I understand," I said and turned my back. "I like you better with the eyeliner."

"Get out!" he spat. Once I had stepped over the threshold, he slammed the door, scaring me. I felt like I was going to cry, but I just swallowed it back. I wondered if anyone had ever been nice to him.

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Okay, well, Edward isn't the easiest person to like but there will be more of the night next week.

Thanks for all the reviews I've missed the fandom more than I had known!


	3. Chapter 3

The night had been amazing. We had filled up on pizza and wings. I was relaxed, and I was pretty sure I had a contact high from the stoners around me. The boys played video games, while Rose was braiding my hair. We were talking about random things, when Edward walked in. I couldn't even look at him, because I knew I would stare. He was only wearing a pair of shorts. He talked to Jasper for a minute and then sat in a chair.

"Wanna get high, Freak?" Emmett asked as Rose rushed over.

"Hey, Edward," she said, as she sat on Emmett's lap.

"Hi," he mumbled toward her. "Just fill me up."

"You can chill with us," Jasper said.

"I don't want to," Edward said bouncing his leg.

"Only way you're gonna get it," Jasper said. I saw Edward's crooked smile.

"Dicks," he said, as I sat as far away as I could.

"We should go to the mall tomorrow," Alice said, and I groaned.

"I'm busy," I said quickly.

"Liar," Rose accused. "Emmett and I have plans."

"I'm not going," I said straight up.

"Jasper?" she asked. I covered my face when I looked over, and he looked like he was passed out. I went to laugh, but I was caught off guard by Edward's laugh.

"It's not funny. I love this girl, but she's awful at the mall," Jasper said. "Don't we have that thing tomorrow?" Jasper asked Edward.

"Nope," he said laughing again, blowing out smoke.

"Bella, rock, paper, scissors," Jasper said sticking his hand out to me. When I stuck my hand out, Alice groaned.

"Forget it," she said with a pout.

"She can't be that bad," Edward said with glassy eyes.

"Wanna go?" Alice quickly asked him.

"Nope," he said just as quick. "Thanks for the smoke."

"Bella, you okay?" Emmett asked, as I yawned.

"Yeah, I'm just tired," I said, as I brought my knees to my chest. "Are we staying here?"

"We don't have to," Alice said getting up.

"It's fine, but I'm going to go to bed," I said getting up. I was feeling the soreness in my shoulders. "Night." I headed up the stairs and made a bed on the couch. Just as I laid down and got comfortable, my phone went off.

"Hi, Mom," I said with a sigh.

"Did I wake you up?"

"Mmm…no," I said with a big yawn. "Guess what?" I asked her. "I ate pizza and didn't throw up."

"Oh, Bella, that's so great," she said, and I could hear the tears in her voice. "Call me tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, too," I said and hung up. Just then, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and I looked to see Edward tiptoeing up the stairs. That asshole had been listening to my phone call!

~~HNWL~~

The next day, I awoke feeling great! I sat up and stretched my sore muscles. I picked up my phone to look at the time and gasped.

"Shit," I said to myself.

"Um…" I heard from the side. I looked over to see Edward standing behind the couch. "Alice said she and Jasper would be back with food, and Rose checked to make sure you were still breathing," he said, and I chuckled.

"Thanks," I said with a laugh. They really were the best people to have in your corner.

"Are you okay alone if I go for a run?"

"Yeah, I like to be alone. It doesn't happen often," I said, as I pulled my bangs back.

"Should you not be alone?"

"I'll be fine, go," I said getting annoyed at his concern.

I smiled, as shirtless Edward headed out the door. Man that boy was so beautiful. I really wanted to get to know him. I felt a pull toward him that I was trying to ignore. He had made it clear, more than once, he didn't want a friend.

Once the house was quiet, I smiled and reveled in the silence. Like I said, it was not often enough I got to have a few minutes alone. Just as I went to turn on the TV, the door opened, and I thought it was Alice, but it was the Cullen's coming home early.

"Hey, guys," I said, as I sat up more.

"Why are you on our couch?" Carlisle asked.

"We came over to hang out, and I needed a small nap," I told him, as Esme sat next to me.

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked motherly.

"Yeah, just a little tired. This week was exhausting," I said, and Carlisle agreed.

"What's wrong with your arm?" Carlisle asked going into doctor mode.

"I've been weightlifting. My arms are a little sore, and I think I was laying on them," I said, and he nodded. "Edward is helping me in gym."

"Our Edward?" Esme asked in shock.

"Yes, he knows what he's doing, too," I told them, and they smiled.

"He isn't mean to you, is he?" Carlisle asked worriedly.

"A little, but I like it. He treats me like he treats everyone else," I told them, and Esme chuckled. "It's refreshing."

"I'm glad," she said standing and walking away.

The afternoon and evening went by quickly, and before I knew it, I was beat and ready for bed. I told Alice I was going to go home, because I wanted to sleep in my bed.

As soon as I walked through the door, I could see the relief on my mom's face. She hated when I wasn't home. She made me laugh more than anything, but I understood. While I laid in bed, I looked at the picture I had taken of Edward without him knowing. I wanted to know him, so badly.

I was pretty sure I was obsessed with Edward. I wanted to know everything about him, but he was giving me nothing. Part of me wanted to open up and show him who I was, but I couldn't even have a small conversation without him telling me to fuck off. I was trying to stay positive, but with him, it was hard. Every day, I looked forward to lunch, just so I could watch him write in his notebook, and I loved gym class. That was when I tried the hardest to talk to him. Some days, I'd get more than one word answers…others, he just wouldn't answer or try to talk. I was not a person to give up, but I truly was beginning to think it was useless with him.

Alice and I were even spending the weekends over at their house, and he barely looked at me. I did catch him staring at me once, but as soon as I smiled, he acted like I had offended him. I wanted to know him, and he was just making it impossible.

"You're working on your legs this week, your arms need a break," he told me, as he fiddled with the machine.

I wanted to ask how he knew so much, but I couldn't bear him telling me to fuck off again. My body was sore, and I was tired. "Sit and place your feet here," he said pointing to the platform in front of me. I did as I was told without speaking a word to him. When I was settled, he took my ankle in his hand, but I pulled away, as he measured the size of them with his fingers.

"Sorry," he said placing my feet in position. "Is something wrong?" he asked me, and I shook my head no. "Do a couple, so we can adjust the weight."

"I just push?"

"Yeah, just use your legs without lifting your feet," he said. It took a minute to find the right weight for me. As I worked out, doing three reps of ten, he did pull-ups. I did three more reps, before I slouched in my seat. I wasn't feeling too good.

"I'm done for today," I told him, and I walked back to the gym to talk to Coach.

I told her I wasn't feeling well, and I headed for the locker room. Before I got through the door, I looked back to see a worried-looking Edward staring at me, as the coach talked to him. He had no right to look worried.

I thought maybe I was pushing myself a little too much, so I went to the nurse and called my mom, asking if I could come home. Once I got home, I threw up, before I slept for the rest of the night.

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Okay there is chapter 3! I know some of you are frustrated with Edward but give him time. This will be an hea!


	4. Chapter 4

Are you ready for a little EPOV?

Epov

When I got home from school, I saw Alice and I was hoping Bella was with her. Bella was acting so weird, and it was even weirder that she hadn't tried to get me to talk to her. There was something going on with her. I wanted to know, but then again, I didn't think I cared. I didn't really care about much. I walked into the kitchen, and I saw Emmett, Jasper, and Alice all on the back deck smoking. I went out there, hoping they were talking about Bella. I knew if I asked about her, Bella would think I was interested, and that was _so_ not the case.

"Hey, man," Jasper said passing me the bowl. I was still not sure if Esme and Carlisle knew we smoked pot. They had never said anything.

"Hey," I said in greeting. I looked at Alice, and she looked wicked upset.

"Nothing?" Emmett asked her.

"No," Alice sighed. "Did you see Bella after lunch?" she asked me.

"Yeah, I think she left early," I said, and her eyes grew big.

"Did she say anything to you?" she asked, and I shook my head no.

"She was very quiet. I usually have to tell her to shut up," I told her, and her eyes filled with tears.

"Hi, Renee," Alice said with her phone to her ear. "Is Bella okay?" she asked, as I sparked a cigarette. Renee must have been Bella's mom. Alice listened and hummed and hawed. "Will you call and let me know?" she asked, as she cleared her throat. "Thanks, I'll talk to you later," she said as shehung up, looking out into the backyard. I looked at Emmett and Jasper. The worry on their faces scared me a little, and I didn't understand the feelings I was having.

"She okay?" Jasper asked.

"She's sleeping," Alice said with tears in her eyes. "I pray every night."

"Don't we all," Emmett said, as he texted on his phone.

"I'm gonna go," Alice said, and she kissed Jasper before walking out.

"Damn," Emmett said once Alice was out of sight. "She wasn't talkative in English, either."

"Yeah, chemistry, she was the same way. Renee is gonna pull her out," Jasper said, and Emmett got pissed.

"That woman is fucking crazy. Bella is going to have good and bad days. I'm gonna give B a piece of my mind tomorrow. Just leaving like that and not telling anyone was bullshit!" he said going into the house and slamming the door.

"Wow, I know I'm missing something," I said, and Jasper chuckled.

"Yeah, you are, but Bella asked us not to tell you," he said, and I laughed.

"She's always talking, but today… is she sick?" I asked, and Jasper shrugged his shoulders. "She's really skinny."

"She is," Jasper agreed, "but I'm not telling you her story. Emmett and I were there when things were bad, and I've never seen so many people fall apart. It was Bella who made me a better person. Five years ago, I wanted to kill myself so badly, and then I moved here, and things got better. They will for you, too, if you let them," he said to me, as he got up and went back into the house.

Jasper was wrong about one thing. Things for me had already gotten better. I was sleeping again, and that in itself was amazing. I wasn't as angry anymore, either. Bella was getting to me, though. Today, when she wouldn't talk to me, I almost started talking to her. I knew she was special. Despite how I looked, she still tried to befriend me. I had my theories about her, and I think I was ready to find out. Tomorrow, when we were in gym, I was going to start a conversation with her.

The next day, I was all ready to talk to her, but she didn't show up to school, or the next day, either. I started to worry, and I knew at that moment, I needed to know what was wrong with her.

Bpov

"Mom, I'm fine," I said for the hundredth time. "I'm going back to school tomorrow."

"I really think you should take the rest of the week off. Do you need to see the doctor?"

"No, I think I just ate too much, that was it. I didn't need to stay home for two days. You have to stop this! You wouldn't even let Alice come over with my schoolwork," I half yelled. "Plus, I go to the doctor next week."

"Fine," she said sounding defeated. "I just worry."

"I know, but I know what I feel, and I promise to tell you if I feel off," I told her, and she nodded. "Don't be sad."

"I'm not sad, Bella," she said, but I knew she was worried. "Call Alice and see if she'll bring your stuff over."

"Thanks, Mom," I said kissing her cheek. Just as I picked up the phone, there was a knock at the door, and my phone beeped.

'_**Gotta surprise for you,'**_ the text from Alice said.

"Bella, come here," my mom said sounding worried. I walk around the corner, shocked to see Edward standing at my front door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, and my mom stayed close.

"I brought your schoolwork over," he said handing me two textbooks. "Alice was too scared. She said your mom is like a pit bull." I busted up laughing, kissing my mom on the cheek.

"I'm not that bad," she said with a small laugh.

"You are, but I still love you," I told her, and Edward chuckled. "Thanks for this, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Later," Edward said, as he walked off the porch.

"He's kind of scary," mom said making me laugh. "He's a friend?"

"He's the newest addition to the Cullen's. I've tried to befriend him, but it's useless," I told her, as I sat at the kitchen table. "He's the one who helps me in gym."

"Don't give up hope on being his friend. What would you have done if people gave up on you?" she asked, and I sighed.

"He reminds me every time I try that he doesn't want any friends," I told her, as I started my homework.

"How many times did you kick your friends out, when you were ready to give up?" she asked, and I shrugged. "How many times did they come back?" I sighed, getting her point. "Was it Jasper or Rosalie who yelled at you?"

"Both," I said with a laugh.

"Pay it forward, Bella," she said, as she cooked.

~~HNWL~~

I woke up the next morning feeling great! I had slept wonderfully, and I was ready to start my day. I got dressed and headed downstairs to eat a small breakfast.

As soon as I pulled into the school, I saw Alice waiting for me. We talked about my overprotective mother, until the homeroom bell rang. I walked in and sat next to Edward, like I had done every day.

"Thanks for bringing my homework over," I said, as I turned toward him. All he gave me was a head nod. I stared at him for a minute and remembered my mother's words. When I went to talk to him, he placed a piece of paper on my desk.

'_**Anorexia**_?' it read. I chuckled and shook my head no. He groaned and took the half note back. Just as he placed the piece of paper back on my desk, the teacher started roll call. '_**Bulimia**_?' it said. I chuckled. I would almost think he cared. Once the teacher was done with roll call, I turned to him, placing the note back on his desk. I wrote no, and once he saw it, he stared at me.

"How have the last couple of days gone?" I asked thinking he wanted to talk to me.

"I don't want a friend," he said just as the bell rang, and he stood up.

I stood and came chest to face with him. I looked up, and he gave me a half smile. "I can tell you feel better," he said, and then he walked away. I think that was our best conversation yet.

* * *

Yay! I think we are getting somewhere!


	5. Chapter 5

At lunch, Edward got into it with Emmett over something being touched, but I wasn't sure if I understood. One thing I did know was neither one of them backed down. I ate a couple of rice cakes for lunch, thinking I was pushing my stomach too much. Edward was still pissy at gym, and he was taking it out on me.

"I didn't touch your shit, so don't be pissed at me," I said, as I did some leg lifts.

"Shut the fuck up," he told me, as he did pull-ups. "This is so fucking stupid. I hate being in here with you."

"Whatever, I didn't ask for you. All I asked was that it wasn't Mike," I told him, and he laughed.

"He wants you."

"I know," I said, as I finished a rep. "I don't like him."

"Everyone but him knows that," he said, as he did ten more pull-ups. "Why do you get special treatment?"

"Because," I told him and started another rep of ten.

"Give me fucking something. You walk around here like the happy perky cheerleader, but you hang out with a bunch of stoners. You never fucking shut up, and you talk and talk, then the other day you leave, and you didn't come back for two days. You dying?" he asked, and I flinched. I hated that word.

"No, I'm not," I said, as he did more pull-ups, going faster and faster.

"You piss me off, you know that!" he half yelled, as he let go of the bar. "You wanna talk and talk, and now you're not saying a fucking word. I don't give a shit about you, and I probably never will, but just tell me, so if you pass out, I know what to do."

"Why are you being so mean?" I asked clearing my throat. I was going to cry.

"Because everyone thinks you're God's gift to friends. You should hear the way Jasper talks about you. He thinks you're his saving grace. Fuck you," he said, as he walked out. I sat, as my eyes filled with tears. I covered my face, as silent tears fell. I didn't know if I could be friends with him. "Are you fucking crying?"

"No," I said quickly turning my back to him. I thought he'd left. I sat on the floor and stretched out my thighs. I sniffled and wiped my tears away. I liked that he didn't treat me any different than he did anyone else, but I didn't know why he was so mean.

"Are you sore?" he asked, and I shrugged. "I can't fucking help you if you don't tell me," he snapped, and I flinched.

"I'll ask Coach for someone else," I said defeated.

"Fuck you," he said. He stood in front of me. "Are you trying to be my friend to earn karma points or something?"

"No, Edward," I said with a sigh. "I just know what's it's like to think you're alone."

"I like it that way."

"I thought so, too," I said quietly. He rolled his eyes at me. "Just remember, you're lucky to be alive, some aren't."

"Please, stop talking about stupid bullshit. Where are you sore?" he asked, and I sighed.

"My thighs feel tight," I told him, and he nodded.

"Lay back," he said lightly pushing my shoulder. He helped me stretch, and it did make me feel better.

"Nice," I heard, as I looked toward the door.

"Go away," I said with an eye roll.

"I think you're the only one to get her on her back like that," Mike said, as I sat up.

"Thanks," I said to Edward, who was looking like he was going attack.

"You have a great ass," Mike said when I walked past him. "Wanna go out?" he asked following me.

"No, Mike, I don't," I told him once again.

"You're missing out," he said flashing his all-American boyish smile.

"Darn," I said walking into the locker room. I didn't think he was ever going to take the hint.

~~HNWL~~

"Oh, my god!" Alice said running toward me at the end of the day. "Edward got suspended."

"Why?"

"Well, Tyler said Edward walked up to Mike and told him to keep his mouth shut. Then Mike asked if you were a good lay, and Edward knocked him out!" she said, as I tried not to laugh.

"Seriously?" I asked, and she pointed behind me. I looked to see Mike had a split lip and a bruise down the side of his face.

"I think Edward likes you more than he admits," she said, and I shook my head. He didn't have to do that. "I'm going over, you wanna come?"

"I doubt Edward wants to see me," I told her, and she shrugged. Reluctantly, I followed.

"Hi, Esme," I said as everyone but Edward, sat in the kitchen.

"Bella, how was your day? Feeling better?" she asked looking upset.

"I'm good," I told her, and she smiled. "Would you mind if I go see Edward?"

"I don't mind, and bring this to him," she said handing me an ice pack. "Don't let him be too mean to you," she said, as I walked toward the stairs. "Does anyone know why he punched that poor kid?"

"Poor kid my ass," Emmett's booming voice said. I figured it was best to let them tell her. When I made it to Edward's door, I stood there first and then took a deep breath. I knocked, but he didn't answer.

"Go away, Esme," he said, when I knocked again.

"Not Esme," I said, and he groaned loud enough for me to hear him.

"I'm not in the mood for you," he said, but he opened the door.

."Here," I said handing him the ice pack. He took it, and I bite my lip, not really knowing what to say. "How many days did you get?"

"The rest of the week," he said with a chuckle. "Kid's not so tough, I'll tell you that. I didn't even hit him hard, but he fell hard," he told me, and I chuckled.

"Can I say thank you?" I asked. He shook his head no.

"Anything else?" he asked, as he put the ice on his hand.

"Yeah, I just wanted to let you know that the stoners are the most loyal, and that's why I hang with them. I've gone through some things, and they were the ones there. I'm perky and happy, that's just me. I smile a lot, and I thank God, literally, that I wake up every morning. I'm sorry I drive you crazy, but there's just something about you. I don't know why I even keep trying to be your friend, but my friends were there when I pushed them away badly. So, with that said, I'm not giving up hope that you and I will be great friends," I said, and he laughed a full-on belly laugh.

"Well, I hope you like disappointment."

"You're in luck, cause I do," I said turning to walk way.

"You're fucking weird!" he yelled after I headed down the stairs.

"Right back at you," I said with a laugh. I think that was the nicest he had ever been to me.

~~HNWL~~

The next day at lunch, Mike told everyone that Edward sucker punched him. Emmett told him to be careful, or it would happen again. The whole school was talking about the punch, and many people asked if Edward and I were dating. I couldn't help laughing every time. Part of me wished we were dating. I broke down and told Alice how I felt, and she said she already knew. She said Edward stared at me a lot, which made me feel great. I knew he liked me, even if he tried to hate me. There was just something about him.

Over the weekend, I chose to stay home and sleep. I was even able to see the one person I loved, but I was pretty sure I was pushing myself too much. I did go out to lunch with everyone on Saturday, but Edward stayed home. Alice said she was throwing a Halloween party, and I was excited for it. I wasn't big on dressing up, but I had a costume in mind. I knew I was going to have to break down and go to the mall with her, and I was dreading it. I was trying to talk the boys into going, but I had no idea what they were going to do. Knowing my luck with Alice, they wouldn't go.

By gym class on Monday, Edward was pissy, so I didn't really talk to him. Tuesday we talked about the pop quiz in English, but not much else. Wednesday he made me cry. Thursday I wasn't at school, because I had to go to the doctor, and I was on cloud nine, when they said everything looked great. Friday Edward told me to tone down my perkiness, and I got my chance to tell him to fuck off.

"I can be happy if I want to," I told him sticking my tongue out.

He laughed at me, and I told him he had a great laugh, which earned me a fuck off. I was getting somewhere with him, and I knew it. I spent Saturday at the Cullen's, and Edward hung out for a while. The day was going great, but of course, he and I started to fight. Jasper really started it, but Edward made some jackass comment about death.

"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Don't make a comment and act like it's nothing. You're talking about someone's life, you halfwit!" I yelled at him. "Who are you to say they should just die?"

"Easy, killer," Edward said stoned out of his mind. "Life isn't all rainbows and butterflies."

"I like butterflies," Alice said making us laugh. "You leaving?"

"Yeah, I have some place to be," I said, as Jasper handed me a bag of weed. I handed him fifty dollars, and he kissed my hand.

"Want someone to go with you?" Emmett asked half asleep.

"Nah, you all are about to pass out," I said, and they laughed.

"Later, Saint Bella," Edward said, and I threw a pillow at him.

"Fuck you," I snapped at him.

"I'm too high for that, maybe some other time," he said cuddling the pillow and closing his eyes.

* * *

Okay I hope you all enjoyed this chapter because I think the next two or three are going to be very sad and they may be hard to get through.


	6. Chapter 6

**WARRING! This chapter is sooooo sad. I bawled my eyes out writing and I cried the first two times I read it after. This chapter deals with death. On a brighter note there is some back story.**

**So, if you think you can take it, grab some tissues and get ready for for some angst.**

**If you don't want to read the sad stuff, but you want to stick with the story, skip to the end and I will give you a run through of what has happened.**

* * *

I headed for La Push to see Jacob. He and I had become friends a couple of years ago, and I knew he wasn't doing well. I pulled up to his house, and his dad was outside looking sad.

"Everything okay?" I asked. Billy's eyes filled with tears.

"Yeah, the nurse is here," he said, when I took a deep breath. "It's going to be a few days."

"Okay," I said clearing my throat. "I brought him a present," I told Billy, as I held up the baggie.

"That's sweet of you," he said, as I chuckled.

"I'm going to go for now. He's sitting up watching TV. Call me if you need me," the nurse said when I slipped into the door.

"Hey, beautiful," I said. I sat with Jacob on his bed.

"You look wonderful," he said making me smile. "Will you take me to the prom this spring?"

"Yes, I will," I told him, knowing he wasn't going to see the spring. "Will you wear a bright pink cummerbund?"

"Anything for you," he said taking my hand. "Be my girl?"

"You know I am," I said, as he kissed me. His lips were chapped and cracked. "I love you."

"I love you," he said, and I flopped the baggie on his lap. "And this is why," he laughed perking up a bit. I helped him with the lighter, and he coughed as the smoke left his lungs. "Thank you, I feel better. They gave me morphine, but I feel like I'm on fire when I take it."

"Why didn't you call me sooner?" I asked, as he took another pull off the pipe.

"Honestly?"

"Yeah," I said, as he put the pipe in his lap.

"I didn't want you here," he told me, and I sighed.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," I told him, and he squeezed my hand.

"Live for both of us," he said, and a lump formed in my throat. "I made a deal with God when we shared that hospital room. I told Him I'd be happy to go with Him, as long as you got better," he declared, as I sobbed.

"Jake, why would you ever do that?!"

"It worked, and now I know there's a heaven, and I know I'll be going there."

"I'm so mad at you," I cried, as Jake held my face, wiping my tears away. "This isn't fair."

"What in life is?" he asked, as I cried into his sunk-in chest. "Promise you'll name your firstborn Jacob or Jackie or something like that."

"I promise, if I can even have kids," I told him as he lifted my face.

"This is for you," he said, as I moved off of him. He handed me a necklace with his class ring on it. "Walking across that stage was the best thing to happen to me. That and prom," he laughed, as he coughed. I saw blood in the tissue, and I knew his fight was over.

"I'll wear it always," I told him, as he laid his head on my chest.

"Can I feel your boobs?" he asked making me laugh. That was classic Jake.

"Have at it," I told him, and his hand flopped on my chest.

"You always make me feel better, but don't come back after today," he said, as I kissed his head.

"You know I don't do as I'm told. I'm staying the rest of the weekend," I said as he chuckled. "Are you comfortable?"

"Yeah," he mumbled. I rubbed his bald head, as he slept on my chest. I watched TV while he slept, and Billy and Sue sat with us. I cried off and on, and Billy slept on the couch.

'Won't be around, and I may not be at school Monday. Jake's really bad,' I texted to Alice after ignoring her most of the day. She texted me back a sad face, because she knew there was nothing else that could be said. She told me she loved me, and I cried in the bathroom. I texted my mom and told her what was going on, and within the hour, she showed up. The living room was full of people by midnight, and I couldn't let go of Jake. I could feel he wasn't breathing often, and Billy called the nurse. I knew this was it, and I just cried and cried, because there was nothing else I could do.

"Pops," Jake sighed at three thirty in the morning. I looked at Billy, and he looked to Sue.

"That's what he called my dad," she told me, as she tried not to cry.

"So pretty," Jake said with a smile on his face. The nurse listened to his heart then cleared her throat. She nodded her head at Billy, and he quickly took Jake's hand.

"It was a good fight," Billy said, as Sue broke down.

"I love you, Jacob Black," I whispered in his ear. He made a funny sound, and I knew it was the end.

I held him tighter and bawled my eyes out. I kissed his face, knowing a piece of my heart would never fully heal. He was the one who had helped me at my worst. He was the only one I wanted, because he knew what I was going through. No one deserved to die from cancer. It was a horrible thing to fight. I'd beat it, but he didn't. Why one person and not the other?

My parents were the most amazing people, and they were the rocks that were needed. They knew how easily they could have lost me. Once Jake's body was taken away, I offered to stay. Billy smiled through his sadness, telling me to go home and rest. Leaving was the hardest, and I stood with my dad by my car, as I watched the sun come up.

"How perfect is that?" he asked me.

"Jake has a great sense of humor," I said, as tears slipped down my face. "Do they need money?"

"I don't know," dad said softly.

"Give them my college fund."

"No."

"Yes," I said as quickly as he said no. "Why should I go to college?"

"To help people."

"I don't want them to struggle."

"No matter what, they'll struggle for the rest of their lives. Jake told me one time you were going to get better. If I didn't know better, I would've said he had superpowers," dad said as the sun came up all the way.

"He told me last night he made a deal with God. How fucked up is that?"

"That's fucked," he said making me laugh. "He didn't die because he made a deal with God. He died because the cancer spread too fast in the end. I've known for a while how bad he was, but he didn't want you to know. This is for you," he said handing me a letter.

"What is it?"

"Jake wrote it a few months back, when they stopped all treatment," he told me as my anger fueled.

"A few months back? How many months?" I asked yelling.

"Just read the letter," he said, as I opened it.

_Baby, _

_I know you're pissed, but I have my reasons. You are so strong, and I want you to live for both of us. I've accepted this, and I need you to as well. Your love and friendship has made me fight even harder, but the cancer is beating me. I didn't want you to know, because I wanted you to live and tell me about how great you were. It's giving me peace. I love you, Bella, forever, and I hope you never forget me. I'll be watching you…that sounded creepy, right? Live, love, and laugh every day and be thankful. _

_Until we meet again, _

_Jake_

I sat on the ground and cried. That letter made me feel lighter, but I felt hatred at the same time. My dad let me have my moment, and I stood, blowing a kiss to the sky as the wind blew. I smiled, knowing Jake was with me and always would be.

* * *

Okay I hope you are all still with me. So, for those who didn't want to read, Jacob died of cancer. He and Bella meet when they shared a room at the hospital. You have now found out that Bella is a survivor of cancer.

I know some of you are going to have some questions and I will do my best to answer them if I can.

See you all who are still with me next week.


	7. Chapter 7

For those who are soft hearted, you may need a tissue for this. This chapter is not as sad as 6 but it still may strike a cord with someone.

Thanks to my girls for helping me out with this story!

* * *

Epov

I woke up Sunday morning and headed for the kitchen. Esme's face was tear-stained along with Alice's. Jasper looked like hell, and I could see Emmett's eyes were red-rimmed. They were all sniffling, and Carlisle came in looking drained.

"How is she?" Alice asked jumping out of her seat.

"She's sleeping, but honestly, I thought she was going to be worse. She was up all night," he said, as I grew nervous.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, as I made my presence known.

"Morning," Esme said giving me a small smile. "This boy we all know passed away this morning."

"Oh…" I said not knowing what to say. "I thought something happened to Bella."

"It was her best friend," Alice said as tears fell. I thought Alice was her best friend.

"Do you have any nice clothes?" Carlisle asked me.

"I guess," I said with a shrug.

"We all will be going to the funeral to show Bella respect," he said, as I blew out a big breath.

"I'm gonna call Rose and then head over there. Is it okay if I spend the night?" Emmett asked.

"Me, too," Jasper said as he stood.

"I feel like if I look at her, I'm going to lose it even more," Alice said with a hiccup. "I just know this could have been…" she said, as she sobbed into Jasper's shirt.

"That's why we all need to be her rock," Carlisle said, as Esme hugged Alice and Jasper. "Renee figured she couldn't keep you all away, so she said just to let yourselves in, but not to wake her. She and Charlie were up all night, too."

"Bella's your friend, too, even if you don't want a friend. You're welcome to come with us," Alice said with another hiccup.

"I have an extra sleeping bag," Emmett said giving me a teary smile. All I did was nod, because I felt like I couldn't say no. "If you plan to stay with us, you'll need a change of clothes."

I headed to my room and threw on sweats, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. Just as I got to the bottom of the stairs, everyone was waiting, and Esme handed us food with instructions on how to cook it. We headed out the door, and I bounced my leg nervously.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" I asked nicely hoping someone would tell me.

"Bella wants to tell you, she's just waiting for you to call her your friend. Jake has been a part of her life for the last few years. He had cancer," Alice said, as I stared at her.

Cancer…that wasn't in any of my theories. Bella had…has cancer? I nodded at Alice, and she patted my hand. I wasn't sure I was the right friend for this. I didn't do crying and feelings, and I never said the right things. I didn't want her to hate me, and if I said the wrong thing, she might never speak to me again. Emmett was right, whether I wanted it or not, Bella was my friend.

When we pulled up to her house, I saw a dozen white roses on the doorstep. We got out and quietly walked into the house. Alice put the flowers in the kitchen. We followed her up the stairs, and I wasn't prepared for what I was going to see. Bella was curled in a ball, holding something in her hand. Her face was red and swollen.

My legs moved quicker than my brain, and I sat on the bean bag next to her bed. I put my arm over her head, and she sighed. I stared at her for a minute, before looking at Emmett. He gave me a smile and got on the computer in Bella's room. Jasper sat on the couch and opened his laptop. Alice carefully lay next to her, and I moved my arm. She gave me a smile, and when I put my hand on the side of the bed, Bella's free hand held mine. I interlocked our fingers, and she sighed again. I hoped I was making her feel better.

We sat in her room for hours. I was tired, and I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't. I kept watching Bella and played on my cell. Later in the afternoon, Alice got up. She whispered that she heard Renee. Next thing I knew, Renee brought us drinks and snacks. Jasper and Emmett left to smoke, and I wanted to go with them, but every time I moved, Bella tightened her grip.

"I'll be back in a minute, and we'll switch," Emmett whispered, and I nodded.

Just as the door closed, Bella whispered,

"Are they all gone?" she asked. I looked to see if she was awake. She talked in her sleep, so I wasn't sure.

"You awake?" I whispered, and she giggled.

"Yeah," she said sitting up. I gave her my drink, and I moved to sit on her bed.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes," she said with a smile. "When I was twelve, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma. Last year, the doctor told me I was in remission. For now, I'm cancer free. I met Jake a year into my treatment. He's two years older than me, and he knew what I was going through. He was the first boy to love me. He didn't care that I had no hair and that I weighted ninety pounds. He was my rock for many years. Death scares me, and you can't make jokes about it," she told me, as I took a shaky breath.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," I told her taking her hand again.

"It's okay, you didn't know, and I liked it that way. You were yourself, and you treated me like everyone else. It's been a while since someone has told me to fuck off," she said, as we laughed. "Please don't treat me differently."

"Well," I started to say, as I cleared my throat, "I don't like to be mean to my friends." The smile I earned was out of this world. Her laughter was like music to my ears. "I'm sorry about your friend. My mom died when I was ten of breast cancer."

"That had to be awful, I'm so sorry," she said, as she touched the side of my face.

"I don't really remember it," I told her.

"It still sucks just the same. Will you do me a favor?" I nodded. "These people are going to smother me the next few days, will you take me somewhere, if it gets to be too much?"

"Yeah, I know a place," I told her, as she sighed. I scrunched my face, when she started digging under her bed.

"This is my cancer box," she said to me, as she opened it. "This is me and Jake," she said showing me a picture.

"Fuck, you looked…"

"Sick, I know," she said with a laugh. "Jake and I shared a room, and when we found out we lived a town away from each other, we knew we were bonded for life. He was the only one I never pushed away."

"I understand that," I told her, and she smiled. "I don't want to share my life with you, at least not yet."

"That's okay," she said with another smile. "I've just wanted to be your friend. I believe in paying it forward. Please, don't take that the wrong way. That day you came over, I told my mom I was done trying to be your friend. She looked me in the face and asked me what I would've done if all my friends gave up on me. I just want to be someone else's rock…everyone is mine…"

"Give me time, and I'll give you my story, which doesn't feel so bad anymore," I told her, as I laughed.

"Who says your story isn't as bad as mine?"

"I didn't almost die," I told her.

"I'm still here, and as of now, I will be for a while," she said with a brilliant smile. "I miss him. He knew this was coming for six months. I had a feeling, but yesterday was when I knew his fight was over. He asked to touch my boobs," she said with a laugh.

"You let him?"

"Hell yeah," she said, as we laughed. "This sucks," she said, as her tears came.

Once again, my body worked faster than my brain, and I hugged her to my chest. I hugged her tight, and it felt good as hell when her arms hugged me back. I let out a shaky breath, feeling tears prick my eyes. I even let out a stupid fucking sniffle.

"I swear, I will nut punch you, if you cry," she said making me laugh loudly.

"I haven't been hugged since I was ten," I told her, as she looked up to me with a quivering chin. "I swear, I will nut punch you if you cry for me," I told her, and she laughed and hugged me again. I hugged her back without even thinking about it. "I think you were Jake's rock."

"I was," she said into my shirt.

"You're my rock, too," I whispered in her ear. She hugged me even tighter, and I felt lighter. It was in that moment, I think, I fell in love with her.


	8. Chapter 8

Still kind of sad... the sadness is almost over I promise.

* * *

Bpov

I think I was in love with Edward. The way he was hugging me, it made me fall fast for him.

"You're stuck with me now," I told him, as he smiled that crooked smile I loved.

"Shut the fuck up," he told me, as I pushed my lips to his. At first, I didn't think he would kiss me back, but he did. His lips were full and soft.

"Thank you, for being here," I whispered against his lips. He kissed me again, and I smiled.

"Anytime," he said into my lips, before pulling away. "Where's the bathroom? I have to piss so fucking bad. You wouldn't let go of my hand."

"I'm so sorry. It's right through there," I said pointing to the door. I smiled as he just about ran to the door. "Thank you for the life you've given me," I prayed out loud. "Thank you for all the wonderful people in my life, and thank you for bringing Edward to me. Take care of Jake, and let him know I'm going to live for both of us, amen," I said, as the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I opened my eyes, making eye contact with Edward.

"I'm sorry," he said, as I got out of bed. I walked toward the bathroom, and he moved out of my way.

"I don't care if you know what I'm thankful for."

"You really believe in God?" he asked, as I looked up to him.

"How can I not? He's put me through so much, but he's given me life, and I'm going to live it," I told him, as he touched my face.

"You're so strong," he said, and I smiled. "Don't tell anyone that I've been such a pussy with you." My laughter rang from wall to wall.

"I promise, and you can tell me to shut the fuck up or to fuck off whenever you want," I told him, and he laughed. "Go smoke and eat, I'm going to shower."

I was shocked, when he kissed me again, before I went to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and sat in the tub. I was gonna let myself cry once more, and then I was pretty sure I would be okay.

Epov

I sat on her bed and caught my breath. I felt like my life had been flipped upside down. I'd never thought this girl was ever going to get to me like this. I felt love, and I hadn't felt that in years. I didn't feel hate, and I didn't feel anger, either. I felt sad, but I could tell Bella was hurting. She kissed me, hugged me, and confided in me…I didn't have a clue what I was doing, to be honest. I tried to shake off the weird feelings I was having, as I stood to go. I took one step to leave, and I heard Bella sob, making my heart hurt. Before I could even comprehend what I was doing, I was in my boxer briefs and getting into the shower with her. She was crying so hard, she didn't even know I was there. Her knees were pulled to her chest with her head on her arms, and the shower poured down on her. I sat behind her and wrapped my arms around her.

"Get out," she cried, as I held her legs tighter.

"No."

"Please, I don't want you to see me like this."

"Let me be your rock. I've never been there for anyone, either, but I want to be here for you," I told her as she cried. "Please?" I got my answer, when she relaxed into me.

She was so skinny I could feel her spine on my chest. I couldn't take the water pelting me in the face. I saw it was a detachable shower head, and I stood to pull it down. I sat it in the water, and I reached for the shampoo and started to wash her hair. Her sobs quieted down, as I massaged her scalp, but she kept crying. Her hair was short, but so soft. I put my finger under her chin and gently pushed her head back, as I rinsed her hair. As soon as all the soap was out,, her head fell back to her knees.

"Are you okay?" I asked, as I reached for the conditioner.

"I'm trying," she said with a hiccup. "He didn't want me to be sad. He wrote me a letter and everything. I think it scares me more than anything, knowing it could've been me."

"I feel like a horrible person, because I'm so glad it's not you," I said softly, as I started to rinse her hair.

"I'm horrible, too, because I thought the same thing," she said as she sighed. "I think I'm okay. I do feel better."

"Okay, I'm going to get out so you can finish," I said, as I rubbed her wet arms.

"Thank you, for everything," she said looking over her shoulder.

"Thanks for not fucking off," I said, and she laughed with tears in her eyes. I smiled at her, and she turned her head as I got out. I grabbed a towel and lay my boxers over the side of the tub to dry.

"I'll get them cleaned for you," Bella said, and I smiled.

As soon as I was dressed, I headed downstairs for a much-needed cigarette. I heard talking in the kitchen, but before I got distracted, I headed right out the door. I lit up a cigarette with shaky hands and took a long pull into my lungs. How I wished it was a blunt.

"Who are you?" a deep voice asked scaring me shitless. I quickly turned around and held my chest. At first, the man sounded like my father.

"I'm Edward," I say breathlessly. "Who are you?"

"I'm Charlie," the man said, and I nodded. "I saw you comforting my daughter. Thank you. Renee and I take all the help we can get. Bella is very fragile."

Fragile, that word pissed me off.

"I think she's strong as hell," I told him, and he nodded.

"She is, but she falls apart easily," he said, and I agreed with a nod. "If you plan on building my daughter up and then leaving her, I'm asking you nicely to leave now."

"With all due respect, I'll tell you now that I'm not going anywhere," I said to him, and he gave me a tight-lipped smile.

"Keep it that way," he said walking into the house. I ran my fingers through my hair…he was gonna know I was in the shower with her.

I flicked my smoke over the railing, before I went back in the house. My stomach growled at the smell of food. I headed toward the smell without thinking. I had let my guard down with Bella, but I really didn't want to with anyone else. I kept my hands in my pockets, as I walked into the big dining room.

"Edward, are you hungry?" Esme asked. I nodded, surprised to see her and Carlisle. Just as I sat in an empty chair, Bella came down and joined us. No one made a big deal of it, and Charlie kissed her temple before she sat next to me.

"Bells, you hungry?" Charlie asked. She nodded her head and got up to get rice cakes. She sat next to me again, and I gave her a small smile. I ate as everyone talked. I tried to act like I didn't care, but it was hard not to care anymore.

"Alice, I think we should go to the mall in a couple of weeks," Bella said. I laughed as Alice's mouth hung open.

"Seriously?" she asked Bella.

"Yeah," she said making her friend smile. Maybe I would offer to drive them.


End file.
